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Pawsitively Pam Posts

Putting in Work on the Outside, but What About the Inside?

Solar eclipses signify new beginnings.  Turn a new leaf, leave the past behind.  From what I’ve read, this time of solar eclipse is supposed to be a time of reflection and introspection.  Figuring out what you want to manifest into your life and meditating on that.  If you’ve been feeling a little “off” lately, don’t beat yourself up over it because you’re not alone.  And you might experience that feeling for a little while after today as well.  Embrace the new beginning, inhale, exhale and start.  Give yourself permission to move slowly and deliberately into this newness.

I wanted to talk a little about personal development today.  You all have been following my story about my physical transformation, and you know I love my two a day workouts.  But for a little while I had been neglecting working on the INSIDE!  It dawned on me that I need to put in just as much work on my personal development as I do on my fitness.  Fitness and wellness are so important to me but working on the inside is part of wellness too, and I didn’t have a plan for that, for keeping my brain challenged.  I needed a plan to pursue my passion with full force, not just halfheartedly.

So I recently started journaling again – I had gotten away from it for far too long because I just didn’t feel like rehashing my feelings on paper.  I realized how much I missed it, and I also gave myself permission to write only when I feel like it, it doesn’t have to be forced as an everyday thing if I’m just not into it.  Also on my agenda: working on website development, taking some social media training and some writing/blogging courses.  No rush on this, but it feels great to have some things on my personal development plan.  FINALLY I am back on my blog www.sportsvixen.com and am really excited about getting that going.

Relax right now and don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect at everything.  And it’s OK to feel a little strange right now.  Use that to just slow down a bit, reflect on what you want to feel in your life, and make a plan to go for it.

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I Can’t Find the Right Words, but Silence Isn’t an Option

My heart breaks for our country.  This is not the UNITED States that I love.  I’ve been really struggling with how to write about what happened in Charlottesville, and I just cannot find the “right” words.  This won’t be my best blog post I’m sure, but I have to write it.

I worry, I cry, I get angry, I feel helpless – but I want to DO something.  Racism in 2017… how are we here, at this place, where people march in the streets because of their HATRED of other people who are different from them?  None of us are born knowing how to hate, that has to be taught, learned from other people filled with rage, and ignorance.

How did we get so divided, so polarized?  What has happened to us?  I’m not making this a political post because the issue is so much more important than politics.  However, it is IMPERATIVE for our leaders to speak out, speak up, LEAD from the front, set an example.  And when they are not, we must hold them accountable.  We MUST.  We cannot be silent.  Hatred has no place in MY America, and it is up to each one of us to be the example we wish to see.

 

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Happy New Year!

Rose champagne and roses

Happy New Year my friends!  I hope you’ve had a fantastic day.  I didn’t do much to celebrate the start of my 48th year but I have felt better today than I have in several days so I will take it!  Also, I am so VERY VERY thankful for my amazing friends who acknowledged my birthday.  One of them even brought me these gorgeous roses.  How can I not feel blessed?

Today was Opening Day for English Premier League and I’ve been excited about that for quite a while.  I have a coworker who is trying to convert me into a fan of his team and after watching their match today, I think he will succeed.  Such an exciting match!  I wish everyone could appreciate that first match energy, for any sport.  Today was ELECTRIC!  And NFL preseason football has started now too.  There are so many people who aren’t sports fans and I apologize in advance for what I will be posting for the next 9 months or so 🙂

I am truly grateful to be starting another year with so many amazing people in my corner!  Earlier this week I was feeling very alone, very isolated and adrift.  Today I am so very thankful for all of you who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday.  For you it took a few seconds, for me it meant the world.  Just know that your kind words saved me.

Someone reminded me of what I wrote a year ago.  I had just started my weight loss journey and had lost 17 pounds.  Today I am ALMOST 90 pounds down, and my body feels healthier than ever.  I have so much less aches and pains, all because I decided to do this for myself.  If you think one year can’t make a difference, please believe that it can.  I am here to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR  – start TODAY and you will be so amazed where you are at this time next year.  I love you all and you can never know how much you mean to me.

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Chapter 14 – New Year’s Eve (yes, you read that right) :)

Defeat is not an option!

Hey everyone and thanks for being here!  I have to be honest right now, my HUSTLE has been completely lacking lately.  It’s the night before my birthday (New Year’s Eve) so I’m taking this time to get my act together and start my new year with a bang.  I call my birthday my New Year’s Day.  Emotionally it’s been a really tough week but I’m bouncing back.  I’ve been existing but not much else (except of course my workouts).  I haven’t put much effort into my business or my blog.  I let my depression get the best of me and just shut down from anything I didn’t HAVE to do.

Not Afraid to Fail

Today I’m feeling better and so optimistic about starting my 48th year.  I also remembered the saying that goes something like “right now someone is working harder than you” and that really resonated with me.  I must not let myself be outworked, because I have the desire and I owe it to ME to work harder every day.  I’m not talking about any type of competition – I’m talking about HUSTLE, wanting success more than anything, much like I put everything into my physical transformation.  It’s way past time I put that amount of focus and energy into my writing, my passion!

An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.  Dr. Edwin Land

Relentless Pursuit of Passion

So tonight I’m taking time to get back up, dust myself off and get MOVING!  Hustle harder, write the words, do the things….  There is never a bad time to push the reset button, it’s only bad if you need to but don’t ever do it.   I’m learning not to be afraid to fail, but instead to be afraid of not trying.  Life isn’t perfect and I have a lot of stress at the moment, but I’ve been using that as an excuse to be lazy.  WHAT?  That’s backwards, right?  I need to use that to push me, to pursue my passion and success with every fiber of my being.  Being under stress is the time to be RELENTLESS!

Celebrate with Me!

Is there something in your life you really want, but you know deep down you haven’t been giving it all you’ve got?  Well – celebrate my New Year’s Day with me and KICKSTART YOUR OWN HUSTLE.  We can be unstoppable!

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Turn Your Dreams into Goals!

Go after your goals!

Happy #selflovesunday everyone.  Hope you’ve had an awesome week.  I found this on an old post-it note today when I was doing some cleaning, so I had to share.  I think this perfectly sums up my transformation and how I finally made it happen.  For SOOOOO many years, I had this dream of what I wanted to look like and it was so overwhelming I was paralyzed by how far I had to go.  I “KNEW” I would never, ever get there so why bother even trying?  I had the worst negative attitude and less than zero self esteem, so I was doomed to fail before I even left the gate.  That’s all it was – a dream (a nightmare, really). I just didn’t want it badly enough to DO anything about it.

Rethink Your WHY

When I finally re-framed my dream and went at it from how I wanted to FEEL instead of how I wanted to look, I was able to set some goals that would enable to achieve this dream.  I had to come to grips with the fact that someday isn’t a date – nothing happens when your deadline is “someday.”  This reminds me of a story of a little girl whose mother was a waitress at the local diner when I was a freshman in college.  Her name was Gail.  She always used to say “when one day comes” – Mom said I can have a pony when one day comes, I’m going to get a new bike when one day comes.  I will never forget her face because she really thought that ONE DAY was going to happen.  Precious little girl – I loved her optimism.

What’s that saying: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”  That’s exactly what I had to do.  As I’ve written before, taking the first step was incredibly daunting and humbling, but I knew I had to take action, because my body felt like it was 90.  Joints hurt, depression was getting worse, I couldn’t stand my own company, and also I wanted to be able to enjoy playing with my dogs instead of not having the energy to do it.  I had to break this thing down into manageable pieces, a week at a time, staying on track with my planned workouts and my meals.  Instead of focusing on the 90 pounds I needed to lose (of course the overall goal was always in my head but I couldn’t let myself be overwhelmed this time), I took it 5 and then 10 pounds at a time. This was SUPER challenging for me because negative Nelly wanted to keep thinking about how far I had to go.

TAKE ACTION

So if there’s something that’s been on your mind, that you just can’t stop thinking about, but you have yet to take action – stop dreaming and start doing.  If it’s that important to you, you owe it to yourself to find a way to make it happen.  But remember, someday isn’t on the calendar.  And you will never get there if that’s your deadline.  I dreamed about being in shape for almost a decade – but when I got serious about it, but some goals on paper and on the calendar – PROGRESS!  I did a little work here and there over that time period, but not enough to get results because I still had no defined goals. Getting in shape was way too slippery to seize.

So tonight, or tomorrow as you start the new week, take a few minutes to write down some ACTION plans.  What will you do this week to move closer to your goals?  GET AFTER IT!  We can do this, one bite at a time.

 

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Chapter 13 – Preparing Yourself for Success!

Welcome back! Happy #selflovesunday everyone. I am happy to be sharing it with you.  What I realized during all of the darkness the past few weeks is what I want for you all to understand too – you don’t have to solve ALL of your problems at one time, you CAN reach out for help and you will be amazed who is there for you, you do NOT have to suffer in silence even if you really don’t know what to say, just say SOMETHING.

Back to being UNSTOPPABLE!

Way, way back I wrote a post about choosing a word and living your word.  What Is Your Word?  My word is UNSTOPPABLE.  Yet lately I’ve been the opposite of unstoppable – I think my month of July so far can be described as treading water at best.  But the month isn’t over and this week I finally got control back again.  After the fog lifted, I realized that nobody is responsible for my happiness but me. Cliche, I know.  Also I realized that just wanting to be successful on this last leg of the first part of my fitness journey just isn’t enough (go figure!).  I worked so hard for 14 months and this month I mentally took a vacation from the dedication and discipline.  I think the pain my body was in played a part but it isn’t an excuse.

A Break is Acceptable, Quitting is NOT

My point is that it’s OK to take a mental break but it is NOT OK to let it completely derail your progress.  Every day you wake up with a choice – what am I going to do today to be successful, to make headway on my goals?  You can choose to let life just happen, or you can be your own storm and MAKE life happen the way you want it to.  Took me a few weeks to get back to this but I’m there now.  Remember last week when I said “I am the storm”?  Well, let’s face it – we have to be our own storm!  No one is going to do the work for us – we have to try, and fail, and try again… Learn from our mistakes, regroup and give it a go again, until we get where we need to be!

How are YOU Preparing for Success This Week?

As part of #selflovesunday, let’s take a look at how we’re starting our week, how we are preparing ourselves to be successful this week.  What does that look like for you?  For me, it means cooking my food for the next couple of days so that I have no excuses to go off my meal plan.  Also it includes laundry and getting my gym clothes ready for tomorrow’s workouts so that I’m not scrambling at 5:30am.  It includes drafting some blog posts so I can be more present here this week (I love being here with you all and I’ve missed it!), and also planning out a few more videos I would like to do.  Planning, but also being ready to execute!

Above all else, a PAWSITIVE mindset can get us through anything!  Take some time tonight to plan and prepare for your BEST WEEK EVER and let’s go crush those goals.  Can’t wait to hear how your week goes.

 

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Chapter 12 – The Calm Before the Storm

Welcome to #selflovesunday!  I’m so glad you’re back! As you know really well by now, I’ve had a couple of weeks where I haven’t been “killing it” in all facets of my life. Emotionally and physically I had just been existing but I changed that once I made up my mind to do so. Had some great workouts this week, and managed to talk to some people about my business (very hard for me).  Yesterday I really let my depression get the best of me and had a complete breakdown – I mean a SUPER ugly one, the whole UGLY CRY thing (you know, complete with sound effects that freaked my pups out).  Haven’t had one of those breakdowns in a long time, and even though my eyes are swollen from all the crying it was extremely therapeutic.

Sometimes It’s Okay to Let People Know You Need Them

I want to thank my friends who reached out to me when they saw my post on social media – I was very scared about how I was feeling and I cannot say how much it meant to me that so many people took a lot of time out of their evenings to make sure I was okay.  That meant the world to me.  Normally I wouldn’t share that stuff but I realized I needed to some positive people in my world to get me back to Pam.

Everything hit me all at once – I won’t leave a list because it’s all stuff everyone deals with every day.  It just felt like the world was collapsing on me and I LOST it.  I can battle one or two of these crazy things at a time but when they all got together and formed an freaking ridiculously strong army, I didn’t handle life very well at all. So TODAY I am practicing SELF LOVE!!!!  I am a warrior, and I CAN handle this – I just lost sight of that last night.  I have amazing people who reminded me.  

Calm Before the Storm (I AM THE STORM!)

Remember I was questioning surgery/no surgery for my shoulder in my last post?  Well, this week’s training went really well and I feel so much better about that now.  I’m approaching this new week believing in myself again – like the quote at the top says.  I have felt a little like I haven’t had a mission with my training but just took a couple of weeks to let my shoulder/arm have a tiny bit of rest (THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM!) and it’s time now to put EVERYTHING back into place.

Doing food prep this afternoon (I got away from it a little bit during this less than positive time period) and have set a goal to get rid of these last 10 stubborn pounds by my birthday.  Then we can start on the next phase of the journey – which I can’t wait to tell you about soon.  “Never say never” – how’s that for a teaser?

Let me leave you with this cute little video as we move into a new week.  I hadn’t heard the song until I saw it on my timeline, but I LOVE IT!  Might be my new mantra.  I’m sure I will have mental and physical setbacks, but they will not define me and they WILL NOT derail me.  We are all so much stronger than anything and everything trying to take us down.  My loves we’ve got this, so STAY PAWSITIVE!  Let’s go after our dreams with every single fiber of our beings.  

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Chapter 11 – It Really Is True – Your Happiness Is Up To You

Hey there!  Welcome back to Truthful Tuesday.  I’m so glad you’re here.  I haven’t written because I didn’t think I had anything worth sharing, but then I realized I’m sharing LIFE with you, so here goes.  This past week was a REALLY rough one emotionally, and I really got off track with my goals, both writing and fitness related.  I got my workouts in but did not eat according to my meal plan AT ALL.  I was just a complete wreck and I let that get in the way of everything.  This morning I woke up knowing that it was time to GET OVER IT.  Time to be POSITIVE and let go of what I cannot control, and take charge of what I can!  I let this last week get away from me, but no more.  I could be upset with myself, or I can give myself a tiny little break and be thankful that I regrouped when I did.  Today, I choose self love and happiness!

Full Disclosure Coming Up!

 

Surgery or Not?

I’m struggling with a decision about whether to, and when to have shoulder surgery.  I did not injure it, I just have some chronic issues in there from the surgery I had 11 years ago (scar tissue, some bursitis and bicep tendon inflammation).  I really dread the thought of another rehab and recovery, so I’m trying to decide if the pain is bad enough to warrant it yet – and it not now, when?  I am not able to give my upper body training 110% like I want to, and I know the shoulder is holding me back, but I am struggling coming to a decision.  I keep hoping it might improve and I won’t have to decide!  That has gotten me down over the last couple of weeks, then combined with last week, I’ve just not been able to get myself together.

Starting My Own Business

I also took a leap of faith and started my own business (direct sales) – and it’s hitting me that I don’t know how well I can really do at this!!! I’ve been needing a little extra income for a while and they had an offer that was too good to pass up, so I didn’t 🙂  But now it’s starting to sink in that wow, I don’t really know a lot of people and I don’t want to “turn off” anyone I do know by sharing too much.  However, I know I need to pay my bills so…. catch 22.  I’m really excited to get products in hand so I can use them myself and be able to speak firsthand about them.  What’s that saying “everything worth having happens outside of your comfort zone”?

Uncertainty and Stress

So today it feels like everything is kind of uncertain in my little corner of the world and I sure hope I can manage to get things back on track, because I do NOT do stress well at all.   I hope it will pass soon but I cannot control that no matter how much I wish I could.  I have to take a deep breath and send some positive vibes out that everything will work out SOONER rather than later.

Suck It Up Buttercup!

I want my corner to be happy again!!!  And there’s only one person who can make that happen  – ME!!!

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Today, finally, I am choosing happiness.  The stress is still there but a positive mindset can conquer just about anything!  With the right attitude ANYTHING is possible, and I am sorry that it took me a week to really get this into my head.

Stay PAWSITIVE my friends!

 

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Chapter 10 – Am I Lost, or Just Scared?

As I wrote in the last chapter, I’ve been feeling a little adrift, lost, lately.  Not necessarily in terms of my fitness journey, because I am still working, still sweating, trying to grow these baby muscles.  In the next chapter I will talk about what’s next on that front.  No, I’m talking about LIFE (again).  I thought maybe it was my depression rearing its ugly head but I refuse to give in to that.  I had a conversation yesterday that was a tough but necessary one to have.  My friend asked me what it would take to make “this version of Pam” happy.  What is my purpose, what is it that I’m looking to do to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference?  What happened to cause me to lose my focus and my direction?

I kept saying I DON’T KNOW, because I just didn’t know what to say, feeling put on the spot and completely tongue-tied, how to put it all into words (kind of ironic for a writer, right?).  But was this true?  “Do I REALLY not know, or am I afraid to admit what I want because I’m afraid I can’t have it?”

I stumbled upon this book in the library and just started reading it CAREERGASM – Find Your Way to Feel Good Work. WOW, it’s all about ME!!!  Right here in the first chapter, the author Sarah Vermunt asks that exact same question. Am I really as lost as I think I am, or am I just afraid?  “OMG, deep down I DO know what I want, but I don’t know how to get it.  I’m terrified!”  Holy cow, YES this…. I’m not lost, I’m scared of failing.  So I’ve been talking myself out of even trying lately.  I’m not talking about my job, I’m talking about my passion and how for some reason I got scared that I wasn’t good at it because I don’t have readers yet.  Thus “maybe this writing thing isn’t for me after all” is the only thing I kept saying to myself over and over.

The person I was talking to said “that doesn’t matter – you’re doing this for YOU.  It’s your passion, it’s something you HAVE to do, no matter what, no matter who reads or not.”  Back to Kevin Hart – he wrote a lot in his book about how many stand-up shows he did for very few people, how hard he worked to peddle his craft no matter who was or wasn’t listening or watching.  He KNEW what he wanted to do with his life, and nothing was going to stop him – hecklers, agents and other comics who said he didn’t have what it takes – he wasn’t hearing it.

So back to the tough questions.  What is my purpose, what is my passion, and how do I get back on track?  I don’t know HOW I lost my way, but stress really got to me and kept me from focusing on what matters most.  My passion is writing, and I want to share my story with anyone that might benefit from it. I will keep writing, no matter who reads because one day it might make a difference to someone.  Maybe that someone is me.  My point is – whatever you WANT to do, whatever you can’t stop thinking about, DO THAT.  Life is too short to live by someone else’s rules, worrying about what other people think.  DO YOU!  Sharing my message and honing my craft is what will make me happy, and I can’t stop working on that.

I feel so much better today than I have in a while, and I owe that to having friends who are willing to have the TOUGH conversations.  Through all the tears, the silence, the “I don’t knows” – I am so blessed to have people like that in my circle, people who push me, challenge me, don’t let me take the easy way out.  Find your tribe and you can be unstoppable!  They believe in you, so why shouldn’t YOU?

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Chapter 9 – Life Did Get in the Way (But I AM BACK!)

I wrote my last post about never giving up no matter what life tries to throw at you. Well, basically that’s what it was about. No matter what pitch it throws, you have to stay in the game and keep swinging. Some days you might go down swinging, or even watching those amazing pitches fly by – but OTHER days, oh my, those other days you will hit them out of the park!  (I confess I’m watching some afternoon baseball as I write :))

CONFESSION

My friends, it’s confession time.  I have not been PAWSITIVE PAM at all this week.  Stress has really gotten to me, and I haven’t been sleeping well at all due to that.  Now, I am NOT complaining I promise.  I am sharing my real world with you because I owe that to you – you’re along for this journey with me, and I can’t promise it’s always positive and happy but I do promise I will always be 110% genuine and real.

Even though it was a bad week emotionally, I did not quit my training – I didn’t skip any workouts but they were not my best.  I told Terry today that I have completely lost my focus – I don’t know what it is I’m trying to accomplish right now, and I feel like I am just existing.  His simple but powerful words of wisdom: “You will get it back.”

I have let just about everything get to me emotionally, rather than just focusing on the tasks at hand.  Rather than just writing, I let it get to me that really no one is reading my writing, so why am I here?  Why am I trying to make a difference sharing my story and my thoughts when no one is present to read them?  This led to some very negative thinking about whether I am cut out for this writing thing or not.

PATIENCE

Another life lesson learned from Kevin Hart’s book has to do with Patience.  In my last post I quoted what he said about Persistence, and now I have to share his thoughts on Patience.  “The companion to persistence is patience.  It drives away the anger, disappointment, and resentment when success doesn’t happen overnight.  Patience is understanding that your moment will come at the right time, and your job is to get ready for that moment.  Because if it comes when you’re not prepared, then it vanishes just as quickly.  Know that your patience will always be tested, and if you can pass that test, you will be testing again and again, until the rare few left standing reap the rewards.”

IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT SHOWING UP, NO MATTER WHAT

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.  Why am I here? Well, I AM a writer, even if there aren’t many reading my words just yet.  I have to keep putting them out there because this is what I want to do – someone will show up as long as I do.  This is my passion, and I owe it to myself to pursue my passion with everything I have.  Same with my physique/fitness goals.  I can’t give up just because I don’t have a concrete next step in mind yet.  I have to keep working like I’ve been working!  The next step will become apparent as long as I keep working.  If I stop – well, I can’t stop…  Refocus, and get back after it!

I WILL NOT FAIL

Terry knew I would leave the gym today desperately trying to regroup and improve my attitude.  He knew by saying, “you will get it back” that I would do anything possible to find my focus, to dig deep and get my motivation and discipline to reappear.  So few words, but so powerful.  I am still stressed about those same things, but I have to deal with that stress much more positively instead of letting it steal my joy.  I LOVE writing, yet this week I haven’t.  I gave in to the desire to feel sorry for myself but that got me nowhere.  So the time is now to let that ISH go!  ONWARD from here.  Thanks so much for hanging with me and sharing the ride through this thing called life.  Together we are unstoppable!

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