Whew – hang with me lovelies, this one might be a bit long. SO today, I just woke up cranky. Two of my dogs have been having some health issues, and I didn’t sleep well last night. However, this has happened before and I didn’t lose it. Today was just ONE OF THOSE FREAKIN DAYS. Tired, sleepy, stressed, annoyed at things the pups do that normally don’t bother me – and NO it isn’t PMS :).
You know the days. You create problems where there are none, you see issues where things really are perfectly normal. You INSIST on that glass half empty no matter what. The day started with my pouting my way through my workout (it was a great workout, and I didn’t slack, I just pouted because I was cranky).
You question things that don’t need to be questioned. Seriously, I couldn’t get out of my own head today. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING – every little tiny thing – lived there today, festered there, churning and churning and pulling me down even more.
Taking it out on people close to me and expecting them to understand. REALLY? How the heck could they – it was IN MY HEAD – they don’t live there. The stupid, ridiculous questions for no reason. They couldn’t know where the words were coming from because it was all this perfect storm in my wacky brain. I’m sure some friends today were like “ohhhhkkkkkaaayyyy then we’ll just try to talk to her tomorrow.” This is not my normal state I promise – so I know it was as frustrating to those around me as it was to me.
Ok, so – now that you know I had a REALLY messed up day (where NOTHING at all was wrong, but to me everything was wrong), you’re probably thinking “Pam, we all have these days why are you going on about it?”
I want to tell you how I got over my meltdown – and NO I did not cheat on my meal plan and have chocolate 🙂 After getting back from the vet, and enjoying a few laughs there because my dogs are going to be fine and they were really showing off, I decided that I was GETTING ON MY OWN FREAKIN NERVES!!!
So I did this thing that I do when I really just have had enough of myself (you see, I do have a routine because I live alone so it can happen lol). I turned off my phone, let the pups run around in the back yard, and I grabbed my journal and a pen and joined them outside.
I just wrote – no subject, no structure, maybe I spelled things right, maybe I didn’t. Some tears were shed as I realized WOW lady, you really did make a wreck of today and you can’t get that back. Tears can be good. These were good. I don’t even know if what I wrote made sense. It doesn’t matter. No one will see, no one will judge. My therapy was sunshine, pen and paper. I needed to get out all the things – all the things I over analyzed and turned into gigantic things when they were not even things! HA – now that’s a great literary sentence for you 🙂
Totally amazing how dumping all my crazy, troubled nonsense thoughts out into my trusty little book turned things around for me. See, I was no longer carrying that CRAP in my head trying to figure it all out. It didn’t need to be figured out (remember I made problems where there were none). It needed to be written down and then put to rest. WHAT A RELIEF!
I got out of my own way the best way I know how. I’m not good at talking to people about these things so writing is my therapy. What do you all do when you have one of those days?
Let me hear from you. I love you guys – thanks for reading.