For those of you who know me personally, you know that I struggle big time with CLUTTER! Books, journals, pens, just STUFF. And you will also agree that I struggle with getting rid of my clothes that no longer fit. I guess for a while, I was afraid the weight my gradually creep back as it always has before. I didn’t know this, but there really is such a thing as your mind taking time to catch up with your current weight and shape – I had been a size 18 for so long that sometimes I still see myself as that. Again, THERE IS NOTHING wrong with being a size 18 if you are happy there. I was not because I was not healthy at that weight and size. It wasn’t the number that bothered me, it was how uncomfortable and tired I was.
Even as my weight has been coming down over the past year, I’ve been wearing my old clothes. I HATE shopping, and I used the excuse that I wanted to reach my goal first (inside thinking well I will be prepared if it comes back, as usual). I think every single one of us who has struggled with health and wellness has been through the “losing the same 10 pounds 100 times” cycle.
A friend of mine from the gym took me shopping a few months ago just to help me find a couple of outfits so I could be seen in public at social events (which I am doing my level best to learn to enjoy!). So I had that, and then of course workout clothes because I’m at the gym twice a day. And I am the QUEEN of online shopping for great deals on workout clothes, believe that! The gym has been the one place I felt confident enough to quit hiding finally. That took a LONG time.
I took a few days off of work to enjoy the long holiday weekend, and my staycation project is to bag up all of my clothes that no longer fit and get them ready to give away. IT IS TIME. Might sound kind of silly – why is it such a big deal, why haven’t I done it already, you might not even understand why I’m writing about it. It all goes back to accepting that I am in a MUCH better place emotionally and physically now than I honestly ever have been.
I can let go of the clothes I used to hide under because I’m not ashamed anymore. It is NOT just about the amount of weight lost – my whole transformation story is most importantly about how emotionally and mentally I am so much stronger because I took that first step, and I kept going, and now I’m letting nothing keep me from my goals and dreams. Not until I surrounded myself with positive people who believed in me and encouraged me, and even challenged me to live outside of my comfort zone was I able to start to change. I just couldn’t do it alone, and it’s perfectly ok to admit that sometimes we’re in over our heads. I think that takes real strength – admitting you need help and then getting it.
MAKING ROOM FOR REAL HAPPINESS:
This isn’t just about goals in the gym or on the scale. Going through this transformation has given me the confidence to pick up this blog again on a regular basis, and to take some writing classes online so that I can deliver better content to my precious readers who are kind enough to give me a few minutes of their time to read my posts. I am getting my confidence back and I no longer have that ugly dark cloud following me everywhere. Depression is serious, and I am so very thankful that my journey up to this point has helped me get mine under control. Now I can genuinely enjoy making people laugh instead of using humor as a crutch, to keep people from noticing the me that I really didn’t like.
Once this project is finished, I might not have many clothes left but that’s ok. I need to clean out that old part of my life to make room for the amazing new part! I share this because maybe someone else out there is holding onto something from the past that could be keeping you from being as happy as you can possible be. Let’s do this together! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.